I've never really felt attached...

I've never really felt attached to this country. At least not the way I've missed autumn in Ames, my room in Penang or walks around San Francisco. Every time I try to love this country it pushes me away with heat and dust. This place is still foreign to me and its my fault. My dad had to work small towns for years and always managed come back to us with stories about people and places he's been to. I've always admired how he could get interested in just about every place he'd been posted to. It is impossible to get me interested in things that I have no interest in.

I met up with Kahn Li for lunch when he was back and amongst other things we started talking about his life in Vancouver. He's an engineer working for small division at Intel in a vibrant city with weather I've always wanted. It sounded eerily close to the life I'd be living if I stayed back in California. The life I craved and wanted. The funny thing is that I just realized as I was talking to him that I don't crave it anymore.

I've changed since I've moved back. I still care about living in a place I love but I care even more about the people I'm with now. I could still start a new life in a new place and I could still be happy when I get there. But I won't leave until she comes with me.